The Slicer Chronicles Character Interview: David Chase Hadley

David Chase Hadley
Five Year Psychiatric Evaluation.
Interviewer: INT Charles Cameron.


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(INT note: This interview is being conducted bedside at Ochsner Baptist Hospital, where Agent Hadley is recuperating from injuries received in a recent case.)


INT: If I may, I'm going to preface by saying that I've heard a lot about you over the past few days, Agent Hadley.


-Really? Anything good? (INT: Conflicting.) -Uh-huh. Who've you interviewed so far? Aside from Kyra, of course. (INT: Captain Diaz.) -Well, this'll be interesting, then. Go ahead, hit me.


INT: Please state your name for the record, alongside any nicknames you may have had or currently have.


-Name is David Chase Hadley. Previous identity was Anjelica Marie Sutton. No known alias that I'm aware of, but I'm fairly sure Hector's got a few choice names for me.


INT: Please state your eye and hair color.


-Fuschia eyes, Black hair. (INT: If you don't mind my asking, how did you--) -Get the fuschia eyes? (INT: Yeah.) -It's cool. I get asked that fairly often. Parents were rich-ish, and mom wanted a beautiful baby girl, so they did that genetic baby manipulation crap everyone threw an uproar over some years back. In the end, I was born with pink-purple eyes. (laughs)


INT: Do you have any distinguishing facial features?


-Just the eyes, and a little scarring from a recent scuffle I got in to. Nothing major.


INT: Do you have any birthmarks or scars?


-Yeah, I have two scars on my chest from a double masectomy, and again, scarring from a fight, mostly on my breastbone.


INT: Who are your friends and family? Who do you surround herself with? Who are the people you're closest to? Who do you wish you were closest to?


-Parents are Deanne and Stephen Sutton, both alive and able to leave me the fuck alone. Sibling was Richard Sutton, but he died two years ago from an overdose. Don't really have any friends outside of Kyra and Hector. I also have a dog, little guy named Cloud. (INT: Why "Cloud", Agent Hadley?) -My room mate at NCLA was a cat named "Chiba", after the district in Japan. Biggest geek you'd ever meet. Huge fan of pre-Net video games. Played these games called "Final Fantasy" all the damn time. I normally didn't pay attention, but he played number seven for a long time, and I got caught up in it. Cloud was the main character in the game. I loved that huge fuckin' sword he carried. (pause) Chiba's dead now. Pancreatic cancer took him, two months before graduation. After I got my apartment, I got myself a pomeranian to keep me company, and I named him Cloud in memory of Chiba. (pause) I miss him. He was a good friend.


INT: Where were you born? Where have you lived since then? Where do you call home?


-Born in Baton Rouge. Moved here after secondary school to be my own person. Lived here ever since that day. I like it too much.


INT: Where do you go when you're angry?


-The hole. (INT: I beg your pardon?) -The hole. That's where he tells me to go. (INT: Where who--) -Jesus, man. It's a joke! Really, I just close myself off for a while, try to swallow it down, and emerge in a few hours or so.


INT: What is your biggest fear? Who have you told this to? Who would you never tell this to? Why?


-Well, it used to be that people would find out about who I used to be. But now... (pause) Now I'd say it's not being able to do the best I know I can do. (INT: Do you mean in work, or--) -I mean in anything. Work, sex, art, anything.


INT: Do you have a secret?


-(laughs) Not any more!


INT: What makes you laugh?


-Seeing other people laugh. And getting a rise out of Hector's always fun. I don't really mean to piss him off, but he just doesn't seem to enjoy life. Everything's all serious, all the time with him. If he'd just let himself chill out for a few minutes, he'd be a lot happier, I think.


INT: Have you ever been in love? Had a broken heart?


-I had a boyfriend once. I already knew what I was, but my mom insisted I "act like a damn girl and date someone", so I did. We went on a few dates. I ended up ditching him at a resteraunt for a dyke from my art cl-- (INT: Agent Hadley, please refrain--) -HER words, not mine. She was proud of who she was. Didn't last long, anyway. Jumped another girl a week later. Didn't date again until Kyra came along.


INT: What is in your refrigerator right now? On your bedroom floor? On your nightstand? In your garbage can?


-Fridge is empty. I think I have a pizza from about two weeks ago sittin' in there, from before this Tuttle bullshit. Bedroom's kinda messy, but once I get out of here I need to do laundry anyway. Garbage chute's clean, though.


INT: What type of shoes or coverings do you wear on a day-to-day basis?


-When I'm not in yellow booties? (holds up his foot) I generally prefer combat boots. I've gotten used to 'em by now.


INT: When you think of your childhood kitchen, what smell do you associate with it? Why is that smell so resonant for you?


-Wine. My mom hardly ever cooked. But I swear, she'd have her friends over eight days a week and they'd kill more wine than Nappa Valley could produce in a year. (laughs)


INT: Let's say you're doing intense spring cleaning. What is easy for you to throw out? What is difficult for you to part with? Why?


-What's there to get rid of? I have three pieces of furniture, a dog, and a Dumbass. (thoughtful pause) Well, maybe Dumbass...


INT: It’s noon on a Saturday. What are you normally doing? Please be specific.


-Workin'. We have a rotation Hector keeps. He's always on call, and Kyra and I flip-flop back and forth with each other. And on the odd occasion we're all off or not plugged in, we'll have some drinks and bullshit.


INT: What is one strong memory that has stuck with you from childhood? Why is it so powerful and lasting?


-The day I left my parents. I told them that I'd finally figured out who I was. I was openly lesbian before that for a few years, of course. They didn't like it, but they weren't going to throw me out. They just tried to "push me" in to being straight. (scoffs) Whatever. Didn't work. But by the time graduation from secondary school came about, I had already figured it out. (pause) (INT: Figured out what, Agent Hadley?) -Hmm? Oh, that I was born wrong. I was a boy. In my head, I was a boy. And I told them that. The night after graduation I sat them down, poured them each a glass of merlot, and laid everything out; that I'd always been uncomfortable in my skin, that I was always different from my girlfriends but I never knew why. Fuck, I even think I told them about crying to sleep some nights when I couldn't pee standing up. Like I said, I laid EVERYTHING out. And when I was done, my dad threw his wine glass right at my head, hit me between the eyes. He started screaming at me at the top of his lungs, telling me that "You were supposed to be my little girl," and "How dare you do this to your mother," and just on and on. And I laid there. I laid there on the rug in the living room and took it. And I cried. Oh dear sweet God did I cry.  I mean, how can you do that to your own child? (cries) I never did anything to hurt him! Never! Why? (INT: Would you like a moment, or--) -(wipes his eyes) No, no I'm fine. It's just a harsh memory, is all. (sniffles) Any way, I just laid there on the floor. I didn't move for hours. And after they went to sleep, I packed my shit and left, and took the quickrail to New Orleans. I only had a few dresses that my mom made me wear for clothes, but I traded those for jeans, t-shirts, and a sports bra when I got out here. I applied for reassignment the next day at the Social Ident office, after I registered at a shelter. And the next day, I applied to NCLA. Got accepted on the first try from my testing scores. I went through reassignment throughout my time there, and got my new name and ident about a week before Chiba died. (pause) Yup. (INT: That's quite a tale, Agent Hadley. Do you mind if we continue on?) -No, it's cool. By all means.


INT: You're getting ready for a night out. Where are you going? What do you wear? Who will you be with?


-I don't go out. People find out you're NetPD, you get shunned anywhere you go.


INT: What is your favorite occupation?


-Oh, professional hedonist, hands down.


INT: What is your most treasured possession?


-Well, he's not really a possession, but Cloud. He's been the best company I've ever had, 'till Kyra came along. He's a needy little fuck, though. He's got more energy in him than I'll ever know what to do with.


INT: What do you consider your greatest achievement?


-Proving my parents wrong. I know they try to check on me. I'm happy, and I'm loving my life, and they can kiss the fleshiest part of my skinny ass. They think I'm an abomination? Fuck them. I'm proving them wrong every damn day. THAT'S my achievement.


INT: What is your idea of perfect happiness?


-Loving who you are and filling your life with those who accept that.


INT: What is your current state of mind?


-Tired of this hospital bed. I want to go home and be with Kyra and Cloud. Get laid, grab a take-n-bake, and just veg.


INT: What or who is the greatest love of your life?


-Kyra. She gets me, she's gorgeous, and for some insane fucking reason, she loves me. I'm thinking hallucinagens, but really, who's counting?


INT: What is your favorite journey?


-I don't travel, man. This hospital stay is the longest I've been from home ever, and I've only been in here two weeks or so.


INT: What is your most marked characteristic?


-Everybody's going to expect me to say my sense of humor. And, to be frank, I agree whole-heartedly.


INT: When and where were you the happiest?


-I think it's the day Kyra asked me out, man. I was waiting for it. We kissed a few times before, but she talked the doctors here from giving me pain meds until she could ask. I remember what I told her, too. She leaned over me, and asked me, looking in my eyes, if I'd be her boyfriend. And all I could say to her... Was "OW-OH-MY-GOD-THAT-HURTS-I-HAVE-A-CRACKED-STERNUM-FOR-CHRIST-SAKE-NUUUUURSE!". She probably remembers it different, though.


INT: What is it that you most dislike?


-Mayonaisse. I HATE mayonaisse. And The Joker.


INT: What is your greatest fear?


-Fear? What's fear?


INT: What is your greatest extravagance?


-Batarangs. (INT: Excuse me, sir?) -You heard me. Batarangs. And grapple line. (INT: I did hear you, Agent Hadley, but I don't get the joke.) -Then let me spell it out for you. This interview, with you and me, right here, is a waste of my time and yours. If I have to pretend I'm the goddamn Batman to get this over quicker for both of us, then that's what I plan to do. (INT: But we have to do a psychiatric--) -Do you? Well then, prepare for a dazzling interpretation of Damien Wayne, my friend. (INT: I really didn't want to have to do this, Agent Hadley. Refusal to cooperate will result in your immediate dismissal and forfeiture of all back pay, hazard pay, and benefits.) -Really? Over a fucking Q-and-A? (INT: Yes.) -(scoff) Just get the damn thing done and over with already.


INT: Which living person do you most despise?


-Udo Ugundokov. He's a villain. Over-the-top, Adolf Hitler two-point-oh villain. (pause) Someone needs to put a bullet in his brainpan, stat. Next.


INT: What is your greatest regret?


-Never standing up for myself all the times that my identity and self-worth were shit on at home. Next.


INT: Which talent would you most like to have?


-The ability to convincingly whistle while I work. Next.


INT: Where would you like to live?


-Nowhere. New Orleans is home, not the red stick. No other place like it. Next.


INT: What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?


-Having your sense of self destroyed, piece by piece, by your "loved ones" while being told it's "good for you". That's low. Next.


INT: What is the quality you most like in a man?


-He has to have a sense of humor. No humor means no joy. No joy means no zeal for life. And a man who doesn't want to live is no friend of mine. Next.


INT: What is the quality you most like in a woman?


-(pauses) She has to be honest and caring. Looks don't really matter, though they do help. Same with intelligence. She has to be smart.


INT: What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?


-I internalize everything. I'll fight back physically, if I can. But I just take the words and insults and keep 'em in.


INT: What is the trait you most deplore in others?


-Noticing nothing of the world around them. Despite the crap we've done to it, the world's still a gorgeous place. And nobody takes the time to just stand back and see it. I can't stand that.


INT: What do you most value in your friends?


-Being open-minded. (pause) Relatively speaking, of course.


INT: Who is your favorite hero of fiction?


-(very long pause) (INT: Agent Hadley, do you have an answer?) -Y'know, I'm sitting here, racking my brain, trying to think of a good answer. I think of all the heros I've enjoyed, from Holden Caulfield to Harry Potter, from Scout Finch to Guy Montag. And I can't pick one. There are so many fictional characters I admire. Before I came out, I read voraciously to pass the time. I had a library in my room, I swear. Couldn't bring any of it with me when I left. God knows what they did with 'em. But in any case, I really can't pick just one. If you gave me a limit of twenty, I might be able to whittle it down for you in a few hours. Sound like a plan? (INT: Actually, Agent Hadley, I really don't have the time for that. I think your answer's good as is.) -Are you sure? (INT: Yeah.) -Okay. Onwards.


INT: Who are your heroes in real life?


-Probably someone like Harvey Milk.


INT: Which living person do you most admire?


-Hector. I know I joke with him a lot, but the fact of the matter is I wouldn't be who the hell I am today if he hadn't picked Kyra and I for his new crew when he became chief down here. He has taught me amazing stuff that I never even dreamed was possible. I owe him my livelihood, I really do.


INT: What do you consider the most overrated virtue?


-Respect for your elders. They don't respect me, so why should I return the fucking favor?


INT: On what occasions do you lie?


-Only when my mouth is open, sir.


INT: Which words or phrases do you most overuse?


-Hyperdiscombobulatory. (INT: Again, Agent Hadley, I have to rem--) -Yeah, yeah. I don't overuse any word or phrase too often, man.


INT: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?


-I'd love to be able to take things more seriously. Don't get me wrong, I love who I am. I love the man that I've become. But sometimes, I really wish I weren't such a smartass.


INT: What are your favorite names?


-I like Melancholy. I think it's a gorgeous girl's name, despite the meaning behind it. For boys, I like David.


INT: How would you like to die?


-Hmm. That's a toughie. (pause) I think, if I were to choose my own way, I would like to know it was coming. I'd like to be able to have my affairs in order, train my ducks to at least appear to be in a row, and I'd love to be surrounded by my loved ones, whoever they are at the time. That would be nice.


INT: If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?


-I'd make it a cycle and come back as me, except in a better house to parents who actually love and support their children.


INT: Final question. What is your motto?


-"Be who you are, not what society wants you to be". I can't remember who said that to save my life. But I think it fits, really. So, that's it? We're done? (INT: Yes, Agent Hadley. We are finally done.) -Good. Got everything you need? (INT: Yep.) -Good. Please send in Kyra on your way out.


(Psych Eval Interview Concluded.)