Hector Alejondro Diaz
Five Year Psychiatric Evaluation.
Interviewer: INT Charles Cameron.
* * * * * *
INT: Ready, sir? Please state your name for the record, alongside any nicknames you may have had or currently have.
-My name is Captain Hector Alejondro Diaz. I answer to Hector or Sir. Call me by my middle name and I gut you.
INT: Please state your eye and hair color.
-Blue and Black, respectively. Height is 6'4", skin is light tan.
INT: Do you have any distinguishing facial features, sir?
-I can always be distinguished by my beard. I've had it since secondary school. (INT: And why is that?) (shrugs) I just did. Liked the way I looked then, still do now.
INT: Do you have any birthmarks or scars?
-Scar by my left wrist from an incident with a cauterizer scalpel. No tattoos or birthmarks.
INT: Who are your friends and family? Who do you surround herself with? Who are the people you're closest to? Who do you wish you were closest to?
-Nope. Ran from home my senior year of secondary. They can all kiss my ass. Closest to family I have are the two NetCops under my command, Agent Kyra Marston and Agent David Hadley. They're like my little siblings.
INT: Where were you born? Where have you lived since then? Where do you call home?
-Born and raised in East Texas. When I ran, I came to New Orleans, and I've been here since.
INT: Where do you go when you're angry?
-The hospital. (laughs for minutes) Most of the time, I just retreat to my studio and paint. It helps.
INT: What is your biggest fear? Who have you told this to? Who would you never tell this to? Why?
-Losing my temper. I can get real angry at times. It's an open secret by now, I think.
INT: Do you have a secret?
-(INT note: Throughout this answer, Cpt. Diaz's eyes flick continually up and to the right. Make note.) I can't think of anything that would be qualified as a secret, no.
INT: What makes you laugh?
-Not much. One of my charges, Hadley, is a pretty funny guy, but he pushes the jokes too far and he ends up coming across as annoying to a fault half the time.
INT: Have you ever been in love? Had a broken heart?
-Never been in a steady relationship, man. (leans back) If I need to get laid, it's one-nighters for me.
INT: What is in your refrigerator right now? On your bedroom floor? On your nightstand? In your garbage can?
-That's pretty personal, man. (INT: I realize that, but I have to--) I know you do. And I'm stating for the record that that is a question I'm uncomfortable with. (INT: I still need an answer, sir.) I know. Fridge needs to be cleaned out, but it's not a science experiment yet. Bedroom needs to be cleaned up. Garbage is empty. Next.
INT: What type of shoes or coverings do you wear on a day-to-day basis?
-I like the old styles, as you can see. (holds out foot) They used to call these "Chucks". Everybody wore 'em. There's still a few companies making them, but it's a specialty now.
INT: When you think of your childhood kitchen, what smell do you associate with it? Why is that smell so resonant for you?
-Beer and pot. My dad was NetPD, but the man was a loser. He'd get drunk and wasted and pass out on the table before mom could finish making dinner. We'd always eat in the sitting room.
INT: Let's say you're doing intense spring cleaning. What is easy for you to throw out? What is difficult for you to part with? Why?
-I could throw out some of my older paintings. My studio's cluttered, and I wouldn't hauck that shit on anyone. Other than that, I think I'm pretty good.
INT: It’s noon on a Saturday. What are you normally doing? Please be specific.
-I'm either plugged in or hanging out with Marston and Hadley. They're good people. Might have a beer or two.
INT: What is one strong memory that has stuck with you from childhood? Why is it so powerful and lasting?
-My dad. He never treated us right. One day, man got drunk, took a swing at my mom. I stopped him. Laid him out cold, right there on the kitchen floor. I think I even broke his VI switch. That was the day I left. Mom followed my trip online, and sent me a "thank you" when I settled down here. Dad tried to hunt me down. (INT: Did he find you?) Yeah. Found me while I was enrolled in NCLA. We sat down, had a few beers. Told me about his life coming up. He's an asshole, but at least he's honest, I'll give him that. Haven't seen either of 'em since.
INT: You're getting ready for a night out. Where are you going? What do you wear? Who will you be with?
-I'm probably just putting on my jeans and boots and going to a pub. There's one on Clearview I like, Sammy's Place. Quiet, respectful. Good people.
INT: What is your favorite occupation?
-If I weren't NPD, I would love to be a professional artist. But I love doing the NetCop thing, so I'm good.
INT: What is your most treasured possession?
-I think it's my collection of antique computer hardware. I love to keep it around, see how far we've come.
INT: What do you consider your greatest achievement?
-Becoming Region Chief after being a low-level agent for so long. That was cool. Something my dad never did, so I've officially one-upped the fucker. (laughs)
INT: What is your idea of perfect happiness?
-(long pause) Finding a wife. Being in love. After I left home, I was so focused on work, never found time to settle down. I don't want kids, and in any case finding someone in the motherhood program is like choosing between Cthulhu and Gojira. (INT: Beg your pardon?) -Nevermind. Next question.
INT: Okay. What is your current state of mind?
-Bored. Thirsty. Ready to get out of here so I can go visit Hadley in the hospital and go over some paperwork. (INT: What happened?) -I'd rather not say. Move on.
INT: What or who is the greatest love of your life?
-Don't have one.
INT: What is your favorite journey?
-The trip to New York for my promotion. That place is something out of science fiction, man. You know they have transport tubes there now? (INT: Yes, sir. I work there most of the time.) -Then you know. I've heard they're talking about putting the system in other cities, too. Wouldn't work here, though. (INT: Why not?) -(shrugs) Ground's too saturated. If they go the underground route, the tubes'll flood in a week, and I don't think we have the support for an overground system. I guess we'll see.
INT: What is your most marked characteristic?
-(laughs) The beard. Everyone loves it.
INT: When and where were you the happiest, sir?
-When I got on my own. I was free.
INT: What is it that you most dislike?
-I can't abide stupidity.
INT: What is your greatest fear?
-Haven't you already asked that question, man? (INT: Yes, I have. Sorry about that, moving on.)
INT: What is your greatest extravagance?
-Canvas and paint. I also like paper books, but it's few and far between that I splurge on them.
INT: Which living person do you most despise?
-Udo Ugundokov. I think he needs to die. (INT: Just like that?) -Have you ever heard of a man named Adolf Hitler? (INT: Yes, sir.) -Herr Hitler was a brilliant man. United a nation, even named Man Of The Year. But he was a sick fuck. Real sick. Hated his own heritage, and tried to wipe out everyone as compensation. (INT: What's that got to do with--) - I'm getting there. Ugundokov's the same way. United the Czech Republic, and a brilliant orator. Thing is, he's gathering power and national pride the old way: violence, propoganda, and wanton destruction. Even has his own private Riefenstahl on payroll. (leans back, stretches out legs) Man needs to die, or next thing you know we're looking at a second holocaust, plain and simple.
INT: What is your greatest regret?
-Probably not getting married. Should've done.
INT: Which talent would you most like to have?
-Don't know. That's a good one. (lowers head in thought, then looks up) I think I would love to be able to write. But all told, I'm pretty happy as is.
INT: Where would you like to live?
-I like it in New Orleans. Good people, good food. Maybe move back to Bushlands after I retire, but that's a ways off, I think.
INT: What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
-Again, that's a good one, man. Uh, I think watching your loved ones have their lives ripped apart by the one person who's supposed to be taking care of them, and knowing you're powerless to stop it. That's low. Lowest I've ever been, at least.
INT: What is the quality you most like in a man?
-Huge cock. (INT: Excuse me, sir?) -(laughs) Just jokin' with ya. A sense of duty, of doing what has to be done when the time comes.
INT: What is the quality you most like in a woman?
-Huge cock. (laughs hysterically) Really, the ability to cook. I'm a sucker for a home-cooked meal.
INT: What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
-I hate my temper. I fucking hate it.
INT: What is the trait you most deplore in others?
-Idiocy. Stupidity. You have a brain, peoples. Use it.
INT: What do you most value in your friends?
-Don't really have friends, man. (INT: But you said--) -That I hang out with my underlings. Ocassionally. Move on.
INT: Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
-Batman. (INT: The superhero?) -Yeah, the fictional one, not that asshole that popped up twenty years ago. Shame they cancelled the book.
INT: Whose are your heroes in real life?
-Don't have one.
INT: Which living person do you most admire?
-Probably my mother, for putting up with my dad's bullshit for so long, just to keep the family together.
INT: What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
-Forgiveness. Grudges are a time-honored tradition, man. (laughs)
INT: On what occasions do you lie?
-I try not to as best I can.
INT: Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
-Don't really use one phrase over the other too much. I say "man" a lot at the end of sentences, though.
INT: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
-I'd have settled down earlier. Gotten married.
INT: What are your favorite names?
-I like "Alicia". I think it's a wonderful female name. Boy's name would be "James".
INT: How would you like to die?
-I'd like to die suddenly. No pain, no build-up, just BLAM. Maybe saving a life.
INT: If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
-A paintbrush would be cool. I would be used to create art forever.
INT: Final question. What is your motto?
-"You're either with me or against me." I've always loved that quote. Never found a practical use for it, but I love it all the same. (leans forward) So that's it? (INT: Yes sir. You're free to go.) Cool. Have a good one.
(Psych Eval Interview Concluded.)
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